Bigfoot Press Conference - 'DNA Evidence' ???

Bigfoot DNA shows creature is advanced form of man

Genetic testing of the Georgia Bigfoot confirms that the creature is an advanced form of man, and suggests that the human race is no longer evolution’s greatest achievement.

The findings were revealed at a press conference held in Palo Alto, California today by the Searching for Bigfoot company, which is representing the two Georgians who discovered the body of the creature two months ago.

After most of the reporters left the press conference,
Biscardi happened to mention that
the contents of the Bigfoot's stomach contained human remains,
indicating that they may enjoy serving man.

“DNA results reveal that the creature known as ‘Bigfoot’ evolved from modern man,” announced Searching for Bigfoot’s CEO Tom Biscardi. “If you think about it, it makes sense. We are not well-adapted to our environment, and cannot survive cold weather without the aid of clothing and heated shelter. We suck. Bigfoot rules. Deal with it.”

Biscardi suggested negotiation with the Bigfoot race before the creatures evolve to the point where they decide they don’t need humans around anymore.

“Without a preemptive peace treaty, we could be toast,” he warned the assembled reporters. “At the rate the Bigfoot creatures are advancing, they may develop bulletproof skin, and then we’d be screwed because our firearms would be ineffective. That would then leave only nuclear weapons for our defense, and that might cause them to mutate into an even more highly-evolved life form. And Bigfoot regime change won’t work, because we don’t know which one of them is in charge. So we must negotiate.”

Creationists scoffed at Biscardi’s assessment of possible Bigfoot Armageddon, and said that if the Bigfoot race is indeed more highly-evolved than man it simply means they are God’s chosen people.

"Bigfoot" DNA Analysis at The Cabana Hotel

Guess what folks--people have found the elusive Bigfoot! And he's totally dead! And some guys in Georgia who found him in the woods are holding a press conference in California today to announce their discovery!

Yes, that is all true, according to Searching for Bigfoot.

The creature was found by Matthew Whitton (AKA Gary Parker) and Rick Dyer (residents of Georgia) in the woods in northern Georgia. (The exact location is being kept secret to protect the creatures.)

DNA testing was done on the body of Bigfoot, which looks like "it is part human and part ape-like." Bigfoot also walks upright. Apparently, the Bigfoot hunters spotted several more creatures on the day that they found this dead Bigfoot. (So do we call them Bigfeet?)

Ok, we can't even believe we're writing this right now. But the press conference announcing the DNA findings will be held at the Crowne Plaza Cabana Hotel in Palo Alto from noon to 1pm today. Sadly, only credentialed members of the press are allowed.

It's been a busy summer for this hotel. This is also the hotel where a case of hotel sick struck in early July. Ew...let's hope they keep the Bigfoot DNA away from the guests.


Related Articles :

Bigfoot - Do legendary beasts live ???

Bigfoot Found in Georgia !!!

Bigfoot Press Conference - Photo and DNA Evidence ???